Bond. James Bond.

Got my receipt at Sheetz, or local convenience store. The clerk called out number seven.

I corrected her.

“That’s 007. The name’s Bond. James Bond.”

I should have ordered a vodka martini, shaken, not stirred, instead of a turkey sandwich. But I was working undercover.

A New Scent

I heard about this on the radio this morning. A new perfume . . . that smells like Yellow Pages.

For you people under the age of 40-ish, the Yellow Pages were a telephone book, with yellow pages, doh, that you would consult to look up phone numbers for businesses. It was the old folks Google.

And now they are making it a nostalgic scent . . .

For women who want their fingers to do the walking???????

Breakfast of Champions

Another Facebook “suggested for me”. . . .

Boobs Benedict!

For Me? Really??!!

Are you on Facebook?

Well, you probably get posts like these from time to time.

Suggested for you . . .

Really? Did anyone inform these women of this?

I’m quite flattered, but I really doubt these women are interested in me.

You can complain about technology all you want, but I think they know me pretty well.

Resume Word Play

Interviewer: So I see here you have done commercials.

Applicant: Yes. Yes, I have.

Interviewer: Anything I may have seen?

Applicant: Um. Maybe.

Interviewer: Like?

Applicant: Pepto-Bismol?

Interviewer: Really? And what part did you play?

Applicant: Um. I was, um, a . . . . singer.

Interviewer: A singer? For Pepto? What did you sing?

Applicant: [clearing throat] um, Diarrhea.

Interviewer: Well. I . . . . see. Yeah. Thank you. So much. We’ll let you know if we have any openings for vile bodily function singing.

Yolk Island

If you have never watched The Curse of Oak Island on the HISTORY channel, then you won’t get the humor in this trailer for a new production:  YOLK ISLAND.

To Free a MockingBird

Or at least a bird that is mocking me!

SI Covers: 2020

What would Mr. Whipple Say?

Charmin bath tissue (can we just call it toilet paper?!?!?) has long moved away from the days of Mr. Whipple.  “Please don’t squeeze the Charmin.”

The advertising of today is this:

All right. All right.  All right.  This is where $hit gets real.

Now I fully understand that bears in the wild do NOT wear underwear.  These are cartoon bears.  Apparently, we are led to believe they do wear underwear.  And the boy bear’s underwear are clean–CHARMIN CLEAN!–thanks to Charmin.  I can follow that.

Even if they don’t wear underwear, I’m sure they would want to still be CHARMIN CLEAN!  Otherwise Goldilocks is going to have a brown stain on her dress after she sits in the bear’s chairs.  And we don’t even want to think about the sheets on the bed, no matter how hard or soft it is!  Of course, in the modern version, Goldilocks is probably wearing sweatpants with PINK across her butt, but she still doesn’t want a brown stain on that.  Nobody got time for that!  Although she could use a Tide Pod!  But I find it very confusing when people wear colors other than pink, that say PINK, like blue sweats that say PINK!  It’s a trademark!  I know.  It’s still very confusing!  Don’t do that!

But if these cartoon bears WEAR underwear (unlike their natural, non-advertising wild types) then why aren’t the bears wearing underwear in this commercial?  Mom, dad and son are all standing there naked, singing about clean underwear, but not actually wearing any underwear while they do this.  Is that not disturbing?  I think Mr. Whipple would have fainted!

Find Your Beach

Every time a traveler gets sick, a Coronvirus gets its Lime.