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Attractive Dinnerware

So I was having lunch the other day with my son at Longhorn Steakhouse. Everything seemed to be normal.  I ordinarily don’t “do lunch” but I had the afternoon off due to a quirk in scheduling, and my son was home from college.  So we did what any two normal men would do when we were hungry.  We went out to eat.  (Ordering pizza could have been an answer as well–you can give yourself a point if you thought that was what I was going to say.  Either way, WE WERE NOT COOKING.)

But as I unwrapped my silverware from the napkin, I crossed over into the Twilight Zone.  (cue music)

My knife and fork had some kind of strange attraction for each other.  They were difficult to separate.  At first, I suspected they may have been glued together by dried food, and while that may be gross to consider, it would help explain why I could drag my fork around my plate using my knife.

The utensils appeared to be magnetized!

Not me, and not Longhorn Steak House.  But you get the idea.

Not me, and not Longhorn Steak House. But you get the idea.

It does not take much to amuse me, nor does it take much to send my mind wandering off to left field.  Better grab a Snickers . . . we may be here for awhile.

Why are my utensils magnetic?  Even the steak knife that arrived with my meal could perform these feats of magnetic prestidigitation.  I have eaten out quite a bit in my life, and I have never noticed this phenomenon before.

Is this restaurant located on top of some weird magnetic vortex in the earth?

Is there an alien ship buried beneath this restaurant?

Is there a convergence of the Force here?

I sense something, a presence I’ve not felt since… the last time I was in the presence of my old master.

Does anyone else see this?  Is it the silverware . . . or me?

What kind of black magic is this?!?!

My curiosity could not be controlled, and ultimately, I had to ask the waitress when she brought our check.  Her answer, though, was rather anti-climatic and extraordinarily mundane.  There was no vortex.  No alien spacecraft.  Darth Vader has not been here.  I believe he prefers Texas Roadhouse anyway, but don’t quote me on that.

Instead, the restaurant uses magnetized silverware and special garbage can lids that are magnetic to prevent their precious utensils from being accidentally thrown away.

A magnetic vortex or aliens would have been more fun!

A magnetic vortex or aliens would have been more fun!

Alas, I have violated the first rule of magicians . . . never reveal your secret!

But now you know!  (Don’t tell anyone!)

And if you already knew this . . .

DarthVader

 

Like A Cheese Tray

Far East Movement has a song, Like a G6, but any time I hear it, it sounds “like a cheese stick.”

Annunciation is very important.

Apparently, so is context.

A nurse at the surgery center where I work recounted the story of showing her high school yearbook to her son.

In one picture, there was a guy–not his father–with his arm around her.  In another, she was pictured with a different guy.  He looked up at her and pleaded, “mom, you weren’t a cheese tray in high school, were you.”

CheeseTray

I would have no idea of what this child speaks.

Neither did she, but he then explained.

“You know, a cheese tray.  The one that gets passed around at parties.”

Remember that when you see a cheese tray at your next holiday party.

And don’t let your children see your high school year book!

Brutally Honest

SocialTab

I guess this must say something about me????

Game of War-drobe

Seriously, who dresses like this for a war?

VideoGameAd

Couldn’t she at least have accessorized with a shield or a sword or something???

I was out to dinner tonight at an Italian Restaurant (or should I say ristorante?) when I noticed this little bit of information at the bottom of the menu:

MeatballPrice

One meatball for $2.09?  $2.09?  Seriously???

It’s not that I have a problem with the restaurant charging extra for additional meatballs, or even the (meat) ball park price they have set.  They are large meatballs, truth be told.  But it’s the oddly specific amount that doesn’t make sense.

Why not just $2.00?  Our state sales tax is 6%, so it’s not two dollars plus tax.

Is the profit margin of this establishment so narrow that they need to charge an additional nine cents to keep the lights on and the staff paid?

Or did someone literally sit down and calculate the cost of adding one meatball to a meal for an arbitrary profit margin that yielded a result of $2.09?

The world may never know.

And I ordered the veal anyway.

Religion Meets Science

I’m sorry, but I thought this was just too funny not to share.  Apparently, the ad is so popular over in the UK and Ireland, that folks call in to find out when they are airing it.

Or, your could look it up on YouTube.  The tag line reads:

Science, flies people to the moon. Religion, flies people into buildings.  Volkswagen=Solution for terrorism.

This could be the title of a multi-million dollar government study (it probably has been done already), but it is not.  It is the alternative title to of this blog entry.  The other title is Dumb Criminals Gone Wild.MarcoPolo

You’ve probably read these stories before.  Crook breaks into a house.  Robs house.  Stops to check his Facebook status on the homeowner’s computer.  Doesn’t log-off.  Police track down the stupid thief.

Or the crook who wore the boots he stole to his own trial.   This link also includes the crook that shot himself at the scene of the crime and left a trail of blood for cops to follow to his home.  Or the man who took a check in lieu of cash and had the victim write it out to himself.  Or the crooks that tried to open a safe with welding equipment and accidentally sealed it tight instead of opening it.

The list goes on and on, but the places are Minnesota, Baltimore, Wichita, Kansas, Chichester, Sussex, and Petropolis, Brazil.

You never expect to find such stupidity in your own back yard.  Well, the stupid criminal mind proves that there is stupidity lurking everywhere.

Just down the road from me, in Loretto PA (home of the St. Francis Red Flash!) comes this police report gem:

According to state police at Ebensburg, the pair, believed to be two white men in their 60s, parked at the bank about 1 p.m. and got out of a silver Chrysler PT Cruiser . . .

Police said the bank workers saw the men were wearing “Halloween-style rubber masks” and gloves and locked the door before the two could enter the building.

Police said the men tried to enter the bank and failed, so they got back into the car and headed toward Cresson.

Police issued an alert for law enforcement to help identify the vehicle, and when a Saint Francis University police officer recognized the car, he followed it. When he was told to stop the vehicle and identify the driver and passenger, the officer turned on his lights and siren.

Police said the vehicle slowed down as if to pull over before taking off along Columbia Street toward Chest Springs, eluding police and throwing evidence out of the vehicle near Dutch Road.

Police said the team determined the items included a homemade pipe bomb, although it did not have an explosive charge.

Police said other evidence links the pair to a Sept. 18 bank robbery that occurred in Salisbury, Md.

In their 60’s????  What the . . .

When did bank robbing become an AARP member crime?  Aren’t bank robbers supposed to be young and energetic ne’er-do-wells?  Middle-aged entrepreneurs at least?  Don’t you think of Bonnie and Clyde?  Or at least Clyde?  Maybe a dashing Tom Cruise in his heyday.  I wonder if they soiled their depends when the cops chased them?

The bank employee locked the door.  Didn’t they wonder about that?  Couldn’t they look in the window and see all the staff?  Or did everyone hit the ground and pretend not to be at home?

BankClosed

“Hey, Moe!  The door’s locked!”

“What?  It’s only one.  They should still be open.  Try it again, Larry.”

“I’m telling you it’s locked.  Is it a holiday?”

“Um, no.  Halloween?”

“They don’t close on Halloween!  Maybe they went to lunch?”

“Do you hear someone laughing in there?”

“Let’s just get out of here and go to the Gallitzin branch like the sign says.”

I suppose they couldn’t just break into the bank, since their plan was obviously to have a teller hand them the money.  They probably didn’t have their safe cracking welding equipment with them to weld the bank vault shut!

And then with police chasing them–watching what they are doing–they throw evidence out of their car that links them to another bank robbery????

I guess they must not be too stupid, though, as I believe they did escape and are still at large, plotting to take over the world or knock off a convenience store near you.

The evidence of other crimes notwithstanding, it begs the issue:  Is it illegal to enter a bank with a Halloween mask on?  Even if it’s not Halloween?  I mean, if you don’t actually threaten with a gun or try to make an illegal withdrawal, is it against the law?  I know some women whose make-up is heavy enough to qualify as a mask?  Can they not enter?  Would I be arrested for wearing my Joe Paterno mask to collect my Penn State Bank Button???

Yahoo answers isn’t terribly helpful, with answers ranging from “only if you are a Muslim woman” to “it is illegal” to “it’s not illegal” but frowned upon in these establishments, to “charged with disorderly conduct” at the least.

So what have we learned from this?

It’s probably not wise to try and enter a bank wearing your Halloween costume.

There are stupid criminals everywhere.

And, if you see a PT Cruiser pull up at your house with geriatric trick-or-treaters inside, lock your doors and pretend you’re not at home!

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