A Dingo Ate My Deer

Perhaps you recall the friend of mine who “hit a deer.”  She and her husband struck a deer, heard a crash and broken glass, saw something flung to the side of the road, but when they got home there was no damage to the car whatsoever.  There was no evidence a deer ever existed.

Well, her overactive, or mushroom-enhanced, imagination is still at work.

Apparently, something is killing deer behind her house.  It could be her car–we’d never know.  We do not know if these are even “real” deer.

They–her husband and her–think it could be a bobcat.  Rumors suggest they have been seen in Central PA lately.  I think the car is the more likely culprit.

She is afraid this fiend might eat her beagle dog Sammy.  Honestly, I do not know if Sammy exists or not.  I’ve never seen her husband for that matter, but other co-workers claim they have.  I’ll let you decide that one for yourself.

I know how she feels.  We have a miniature dachshund named Sammy, I remember when he was just a puppy thinking that a hawk could swoop down out of the sky and snatch him, just like that commercial for the Direct TV genie.

How do you like my wiener?

But I digress.  In discussing the bobcat theory with someone else, she was told that someone in our area had some exotic pets that got loose.  A panther.  (Not the one from Pittsburgh, though.)  And a python.  We have snow right now.  I’m not sure I’d worry about a python slithering around if you know what I mean.

So at some point, she and her husband, if he actually exists, called the game warden.  He confirmed that some pythons–plural–got loose, but would not confirm the panther.  A python was found in someone’s basement in Hollidaysburg.  The game warden agreed, though, that this particular deer-eating fiend could be a bobcat.

They took pictures of the tracks, but alas, when I asked to see them, she was unable to download them at this time.  Hmmmmm.

But this story does get better.  One day, they see some large black “animal” dragging a deer carcass behind their house.  At last!  A chance to redeem themselves.  Her alleged husband hustles downstairs with binoculars and a camera, but you know how difficult it is to track these deer eating fiends.  He decides he could get a better shot–photo–from the upstairs window.  But by the time he gets upstairs, the black thing and deer carcass are gone.  Imagine that!

Maybe it was a bear.

They don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t a bear.

She thought it could be a large dog.

A dingo ate her deer!

The game warden–called again–thought maybe it was a coyote.

How do you get rid of a coyote?  I’d buy a road runner and order some explosives from ACME myself.  Let him take care of himself so to speak.

So now her nephew has come over to set up a night vision camera to cover her backyard.

I’m sorry, but I had to ask . . . is her nephew real?

So she claims.  But the camera has failed to show anything yet.  Hmmmm.

But I want to give her the benefit of the doubt here.  I really hope she gets something on tape.

Like maybe Big Foot.