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Posts Tagged ‘Rapture’

I know it’s getting old, but this thing just keeps rolling along.

According to this article by Garance Burke, Harold Camping has moved the date of the end of the world to October 21st. 

Through chatting with a friend over what he acknowledged was a very difficult weekend, it dawned on him that instead of the biblical Rapture in which the faithful would be swept up to the heavens, May 21 had instead been a “spiritual” Judgment Day, which places the entire world under Christ’s judgment, he said.

The globe will be completely destroyed in five months, he said, when the apocalypse comes. But because God’s judgment and salvation were completed on Saturday, there’s no point in continuing to warn people about it, so his network will now just play Christian music and programs until the final end on Oct. 21.

He now returns us to our normally scheduled lives.  For those that gave all their possessions away . . . sorry about that.

“I still have to live in a house, I still have to drive a car,” he said. “What would be the value of that? If it is Judgment Day why would I give it away?”

Why indeed?

Talk about your Looney Tunes . . .

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My LEFT BEHIND is numb.  I guess it’s because I lean that way when I’m typing and I have spent too much time at the computer.

Why you ask?  Am I still playing MahJong?  (I am.)  Is it because I have no life?  (I don’t.)  Is it because I am trying to figure out why the Rapture hasn’t occurred yet?  (Hell no!)

Truth be told, though, I did wonder about all those people who were convinced by Harold Camping that the end of the world was supposed to start on May 21st.  Apparently, he has overlooked something.  Again.

According to Garance Burke, reactions over the failure of the world to end are mixed.  For myself, I am somewhat bummed.  I’m on-call this weekend so now I have to answer calls today.  We have an emergency line and I’ve already gotten one emergency.  Someone’s drops ran out.  Apparently, they weren’t expecting to need them today either.  Worse yet, I have to go to work tomorrow.  Is this the worst apocalypse ever or what?

Believers had spent months warning the world of the pending cataclysm. Some had given away earthly belongings. Others took long journeys to be with loved ones. And there were those who drained their savings accounts.

Seriously?  Why didn’t anyone give their worldly belongings or savings accounts to me?

“I had some skepticism but I was trying to push the skepticism away because I believe in God,” said Keith Bauer — who hopped in his minivan in Maryland and drove his family 3,000 miles to California for the Rapture.

“I was hoping for it because I think heaven would be a lot better than this earth,” said Bauer, a tractor-trailer driver who began the voyage west last week, figuring that if he “worked last week, I wouldn’t have gotten paid anyway, if the Rapture did happen.”

Is the Rapture really better in California?  I never thought about not working last week!  I did take Friday off but it was for a charity golf tournament.  I also went running on Saturday for 10 miles.  I figure if the world was going to end, I might as well be doing something I love.

In New York’s Times Square, Robert Fitzpatrick, of Staten Island, said he was surprised when the six o’clock hour simply came and went. He had spent his own money to put up advertising about the end of the world.

“I can’t tell you what I feel right now,” he said, surrounded by tourists. “Obviously, I haven’t understood it correctly because we’re still here.”

Let me enlighten you on your feelings here, Robert.  What you are feeling is stupid.  I hope Robert doesn’t work on Wall Street.  I’m sorry Mr. Jones, but I liquidated your portfolio to charity because I thought the world was ending.  OR, you would have had enough for your retirement had the world ended on May 21, 2011!

Earlier in the day, Sheila Doan, 65, Camping’s next-door-neighbor of 40 years, was outside gardening and said the worldwide spotlight on his May 21 forecast has attracted far more attention than the 1994 prediction.

Doan said she is a Christian and while she respects her neighbor, she doesn’t share his views.

“I wouldn’t consider Mr. Camping a close friend and wouldn’t have him over for dinner or anything, but if he needs anything, we are there for him,” Doan said.

Wouldn’t have him over for dinner or anything . . . doesn’t that say a mouthful right there.

I tried to log back on to family radio.com to find out what went wrong . . .

I guess the web site was taken in the Rapture after all!

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As a follow-up to my last post (which obviously wasn’t my last post) about the world ending on May 21st, I bring your attention to the next sign of the impending apocalypse:  Rapture Insurance.  For Pets.

Are cats LEFT BEHIND a bad thing?

O.

M.

G.

Really?

For $135, and $20 for each additional pet, you can be sure that your pet(s) will be cared for after you are whisked away in the Rapture.

. . . pet-loving atheists who have sufficient space to take the usual types of household pets, including birds and hamsters, into their homes to live out their lives. Adoption of large animals like horses and llamas is available in Montana, Idaho, New Hampshire and Vermont.

Alas, Eternal Earth-Bound Pet does not have an atheist representative in Pennsylvania.  Sammy and Kurt will have to fend for themselves in the post-Rapture chaos.  West Virginia is the nearest state with coverage, so we have trained them both to use the GPS and head for West Virginia in the event that we disappear.  Unfortunately, pets have problems understanding “disappear”.  They don’t grasp the concept of “rapture.”  So everytime we leave the house, these two furry little idiots head off to West Virginia.  We’re working on that, but My God, we are running out of time!

And just in case both Harold Camping AND the Mayans are wrong about the world ending soon, your insurance is good for 10 years.  That’s like 70 in dog years!  How can you put a price on peace of mind like this?!

I would have thought that leaving your pet in the care of an atheist might be a deterrent.  I mean, they look so normal on the outside.  But people are buying this stuff.  Apparently, these atheists:

fully endorse the “Rule of Reciprocity”, also known as “The Golden Rule.” We just happen not to believe in God(s). …

Well, isn’t that special?

So when the Rapture occurs, and the world descends into chaos, and you suddenly realize that you were wrong, you still plan on welcoming 70 cats into your house to feed and care for until the Tribulation is over?  Seriously?  On the other hand, there are people that have too many cats now.

I really want to know how a guarantee works after I’m gone or the world ends?  I guess you just have to trust the atheists.

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I don’t even have time to finish the title!

Have you seen the billboards?  Apparently, Judgment Day is coming and the end of times is near.  May 21st. to be exact.  Give or take a guess or two.  That’s not much time to get my act together is it?    I was not aware of this!  (I thought the Mayans at least gave us till the end of 2012, which is kind of nice since we won’t have to worry about those Christmas credit card bills in January 2013.)

Altoona Mirror photo by Patrick Waksmunski

Harold Camping has deciphered the Bible and predicts that the End of Times will begin on May 21, 2011.  Even though the Bible specifically states in Matthew 24:36, “No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in Heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” 

OMG.  Harold Camping is GOD! So that would now be OMC! (Oh my Camping!)

I know!  It’s not as freaky as George Burns or Morgan Freeman, but creepy in its own way.

Unfortunately for Camping, he has been wrong before, which is decidedly un-God like.  Apparently he predicted the end of times on September 6, 1994.  Oops. 

In response to the obvious fact that the world did not end, he responded, “I overlooked something.  I missed something.”

Ya think?!

The Billboard states that the Bible “guarantees it.”  I’d like to see the details of that guarantee.  IF the world does not end on May 21st, what recourse do I have?  I can’t get my money back since I didn’t pay anything for this information.  Will I be guaranteed of the next sure end of times when it becomes available?  What exactly does this guarantee mean???

Basically, there are several possibilities regarding Mr. Camping.

1.  He is right.  Sinners and non-beleievers, you are screwed.  You probably are anyway when that day and hour eventually come, but now you will be screwed sooner than you thought–or didn’t think since you don’t believe.  This gets so confusing!

2.  He is wrong because . . .

a.  He is an idiot.

b.  He has a psychological disorder.  Maybe a brain tumor.  Probably not a blood dyscrasia.  He probably chews his nails and has hang nails.

c.  He is looking for some publicity.  I don’t know, if I only have fifteen minutes of fame, I’d rather not be famous for being a complete idiot.  But that’s just me.  Maybe he’s okay with that.  And if he is right, he won’t get his fame because time is going to end anyway.

d  He has overlooked or missed something.  Maybe he missed the bus.  Maybe he is still using a slide rule instead of a computer.  He could just be really bad at math.

Or maybe we’re just not supposed to know this information, like the Bible says, after all.

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