Locked Doors Prevent Robberies

This could be the title of a multi-million dollar government study (it probably has been done already), but it is not.  It is the alternative title to of this blog entry.  The other title is Dumb Criminals Gone Wild.

You’ve probably read these stories before.  Crook breaks into a house.  Robs house.  Stops to check his Facebook status on the homeowner’s computer.  Doesn’t log-off.  Police track down the stupid thief.

Or the crook who wore the boots he stole to his own trial.   This link also includes the crook that shot himself at the scene of the crime and left a trail of blood for cops to follow to his home.  Or the man who took a check in lieu of cash and had the victim write it out to himself.  Or the crooks that tried to open a safe with welding equipment and accidentally sealed it tight instead of opening it.

The list goes on and on, but the places are Minnesota, Baltimore, Wichita, Kansas, Chichester, Sussex, and Petropolis, Brazil.

You never expect to find such stupidity in your own back yard.  Well, the stupid criminal mind proves that there is stupidity lurking everywhere.

Just down the road from me, in Loretto PA (home of the St. Francis Red Flash!) comes this police report gem:

According to state police at Ebensburg, the pair, believed to be two white men in their 60s, parked at the bank about 1 p.m. and got out of a silver Chrysler PT Cruiser . . .

Police said the bank workers saw the men were wearing “Halloween-style rubber masks” and gloves and locked the door before the two could enter the building.

Police said the men tried to enter the bank and failed, so they got back into the car and headed toward Cresson.

Police issued an alert for law enforcement to help identify the vehicle, and when a Saint Francis University police officer recognized the car, he followed it. When he was told to stop the vehicle and identify the driver and passenger, the officer turned on his lights and siren.

Police said the vehicle slowed down as if to pull over before taking off along Columbia Street toward Chest Springs, eluding police and throwing evidence out of the vehicle near Dutch Road.

Police said the team determined the items included a homemade pipe bomb, although it did not have an explosive charge.

Police said other evidence links the pair to a Sept. 18 bank robbery that occurred in Salisbury, Md.

In their 60’s????  What the . . .

When did bank robbing become an AARP member crime?  Aren’t bank robbers supposed to be young and energetic ne’er-do-wells?  Middle-aged entrepreneurs at least?  Don’t you think of Bonnie and Clyde?  Or at least Clyde?  Maybe a dashing Tom Cruise in his heyday.  I wonder if they soiled their depends when the cops chased them?

The bank employee locked the door.  Didn’t they wonder about that?  Couldn’t they look in the window and see all the staff?  Or did everyone hit the ground and pretend not to be at home?

“Hey, Moe!  The door’s locked!”

“What?  It’s only one.  They should still be open.  Try it again, Larry.”

“I’m telling you it’s locked.  Is it a holiday?”

“Um, no.  Halloween?”

“They don’t close on Halloween!  Maybe they went to lunch?”

“Do you hear someone laughing in there?”

“Let’s just get out of here and go to the Gallitzin branch like the sign says.”

I suppose they couldn’t just break into the bank, since their plan was obviously to have a teller hand them the money.  They probably didn’t have their safe cracking welding equipment with them to weld the bank vault shut!

And then with police chasing them–watching what they are doing–they throw evidence out of their car that links them to another bank robbery????

I guess they must not be too stupid, though, as I believe they did escape and are still at large, plotting to take over the world or knock off a convenience store near you.

The evidence of other crimes notwithstanding, it begs the issue:  Is it illegal to enter a bank with a Halloween mask on?  Even if it’s not Halloween?  I mean, if you don’t actually threaten with a gun or try to make an illegal withdrawal, is it against the law?  I know some women whose make-up is heavy enough to qualify as a mask?  Can they not enter?  Would I be arrested for wearing my Joe Paterno mask to collect my Penn State Bank Button???

Yahoo answers isn’t terribly helpful, with answers ranging from “only if you are a Muslim woman” to “it is illegal” to “it’s not illegal” but frowned upon in these establishments, to “charged with disorderly conduct” at the least.

So what have we learned from this?

It’s probably not wise to try and enter a bank wearing your Halloween costume.

There are stupid criminals everywhere.

And, if you see a PT Cruiser pull up at your house with geriatric trick-or-treaters inside, lock your doors and pretend you’re not at home!

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Don’t Book Me, Danno!

We recently vacationed in Hawaii–on Oahu and Kauai–and had the opportunity to drive around in a rental car with three teenagers.

This is a vacation?

Getting around Hawaii is not as easy as it sounds.  It has to be one of the worst places we have ever been to with regards to the driving experience.  If you already know where you are going, you’ll be just fine.  Being that this was our first trip to the 50th state, we were anything but fine.

For instance, we wanted to visit Pearl Harbor.  Travelling on H-1, a ten lane highway in Honolulu at one point, there are signs over three lanes that say “Pearl Harbor.”  You would think that if you got into one of those lanes, you would be able to get to Pearl Harbor.  Maybe you can.  We couldn’t.  Twice.  From either direction.

We had maps.  We basically knew where the harbor was.  We were on an island for crying out loud.  There’s ocean, shore and inland.  How hard could this be?

But there were no signs that actually told you which exit to take to get to Pearl Harbor.

We couldn’t get there from here.  Or there.  Or anywhere.

There are no signs along the Interstate to tell you what attractions, amenities, facilities or restaurants are available.  You just have to guess.  Or perhaps we should have rented a car with a GPS.  The kids were no help.  They had iPod ear buds in their ears and couldn’t even hear the cries of anguish from the adults up front.

But I digress.

In Kauai, there was a section of highway that was under construction.  We know this because there were signs saying so, not because we actually saw any actual construction occurring.  There were orange barrels.  There was a sign that announced that the project was going to begin in June 2010.  Almost two years later, the road is still under construction.  Maybe they are importing it from China, inch by inch.  Glad I don’t live there.  What the hell am I saying . . . it’s Hawaii.  I WISH I LIVED THERE!  But I’m glad I didn’t have to drive in that traffic every day.

So there we were, tooling along at 5 mph or less in bumper to bumper traffic.  It was midday, and I think maybe the schools were letting out.  As a result, there were some police officers coordinating the traffic jam.

As we passed one of them, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him grab the radio on his shoulder and say something.

I’m in a rental car going 5 miles per hour.  Grandmothers are passing us in hula skirts.  I must be imagining things.  Surely I have done nothing wrong.

But about five hundred feet later (let’s see, maybe five minutes have passed–just kidding, but things were going slow)  another cop pointed and signalled me to pull into the blocked lane lined by orange barrels.

I muttered something under my breath and complied, still wondering what was going on.  Surely, this must be some mistake.

I’d like to type that I wound the window down, but that is rather archaic.  So I powered the window down.

The cop pointed to my son in the back seat and said, “the one in the middle needs to be in a seat belt too.”

OK.  Let’s stop right here.  We always make our kids wear seat belts.  Always.  Just going to the store.  Sitting in the parking lot.  Sometimes when they are not even in the car.  Doesn’t matter.

Always, except for this time.

"Do you believe this guy's excuse?" "No. Book 'em, Danno!"

I’m not sure telling him we always make them wear seat belts helped our case at all, particularly when NONE of my kids in the back seat had their seat belt on as it turned out.

To his credit, the officer never asked for my license or the rental’s registration.  He asked where we were from and whether we were on vacation.  Then, he reminded us that the kids always need to wear their seat belts in Hawaii.  He even stopped the slow-moving traffic to allow us to get back on the highway.

The kids learned a valuable lesson that day.  If you don’t want dad asking if your seat belt is buckled every fifteen minutes of the vacation, then make sure you don’t get pulled over for not wearing it in the first place.

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