Running Makes You Younger

I came across this advertisement on Facebook . . .

Seriously?  Are we supposed to think that runner is over 45?  I’m wondering if she’s even over 25!

And by the way, I am over 45, and I can run faster than a nine minute mile (especially if I am following her!)

I guess I should get the rate I deserve on life insurance!

And if you are over 45, you should probably ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough to have running.

Read Full Post »

Progressive Thinking

Note:  I do not carry Progressive Auto Insurance, am not a spokesperson for the company and have received no financial incentive for this post.  Further, no automobiles, name-your-own-price tools or annoying Flo’s were injured in the creation of this post.  Thank you.

After hearing a Progressive Insurance commercial for the one millionth time ( I might be exaggerating, but probably not), I was finally intrigued enough to do some research on this Snapshot Discount thingy they keep promoting to save me money.

Seriously folks, what kind of company really wants to save you money?  Taking your money is how they make money.  It’s like the government, but the IRS doesn’t have to advertise.

So after a thorough Google search, I found this review from a year ago–hey, I never promised you timely information.  I never promised you anything, for that matter.  But I digress.

According to this source, the way the Snapshot gizmo works is to track your miles, when you are driving, and how many “hard brakes” you do while driving.  Now hasn’t that cleared everything up for you?

Time of day: The reason Progressive tracks what time of day you is simple: if you drive during peak hours for accidents, such as between midnight and 4 a.m., the likelihood you’ll get in an accident is much higher than if you drive during off-peak hours. If the majority of your driving is during less accident-prone hours, you may see a larger discount.

Miles driven: Many insurance companies ask drivers to supply this data, meaning that drivers track their own mileage and report that amount. Because Progressive tracks mileage digitally through the Snapshot device, the chance of an accident can be better predicted. The general idea is that the more miles you drive, the more likely you’ll get into  an accident.

Hard brakes: A hard brake is when the car’s speed decreases at a rate greater than 7 mph per second. More hard brakes per day may indicate less cautious driving. Progressive will give higher discounts to drivers with fewer hard brakes.

The more miles you drive the more likely you’ll get into an accident?  I have taken that logic one step further.  The more time you spend on the road, the more likely you are to be in an accident.  So go faster so that you get there faster.  You’ll be off the road faster and less likely to get hit.

I still have no idea what that hard brake means.  I run about 7 mph.  I can stop in less than a second.  That doesn’t sound like very much to me–in other words, I probably commit more hard brakes pulling into my garage than any discount they would allow.  And is it really my fault if some idiot pulls out in front of me?  Isn’t a hard brake better and more cost-effective for my insurance company than plowing into said idiot?  I should be rewarded for that kind of attention and reflexes.

Is it really worth a few bucks for someone I don’t know, in an office somewhere I don’t go, to know how often I am in my car, when I’m in my car, and how badly I might be driving?

Honestly, I thought the thing would track speed as well.  Maybe it does and they don’t tell you that.  Maybe they have GPS capabilities–and they don’t tell you that.  They promise they won’t give out the information to anyone else, but how do we know that?  Do I sound paranoid?  Why are you reading this anyway?  Who are you?  How did you get here?  I’m not paranoid, but I’m not sure I like the tone of your questions?

I also thought that with the way I drive, I’d probably not only not get a discount, but they would make me pay more.  According to what I’ve read, that is not true.  But you can’t believe everything you read on the Internet, except for this sentence of course.

And having that little transmitter in the car would kind of creep me out.  It would be like having Flo sitting right there with me, riding shotgun.

The face only an insurance company could love.
At least she’s not a Gecko.
I wouldn’t drive with a Gecko in my car.
I’m not a Geckophobe. It’s more a religious thing. Or not.

So do you have a Snapshot thingy in your car, and have you seen up to 30% in savings?

Read Full Post »

But Wait! There’s More!

As a follow-up to my last post (which obviously wasn’t my last post) about the world ending on May 21st, I bring your attention to the next sign of the impending apocalypse:  Rapture Insurance.  For Pets.

Are cats LEFT BEHIND a bad thing?

O.

M.

G.

Really?

For $135, and $20 for each additional pet, you can be sure that your pet(s) will be cared for after you are whisked away in the Rapture.

. . . pet-loving atheists who have sufficient space to take the usual types of household pets, including birds and hamsters, into their homes to live out their lives. Adoption of large animals like horses and llamas is available in Montana, Idaho, New Hampshire and Vermont.

Alas, Eternal Earth-Bound Pet does not have an atheist representative in Pennsylvania.  Sammy and Kurt will have to fend for themselves in the post-Rapture chaos.  West Virginia is the nearest state with coverage, so we have trained them both to use the GPS and head for West Virginia in the event that we disappear.  Unfortunately, pets have problems understanding “disappear”.  They don’t grasp the concept of “rapture.”  So everytime we leave the house, these two furry little idiots head off to West Virginia.  We’re working on that, but My God, we are running out of time!

And just in case both Harold Camping AND the Mayans are wrong about the world ending soon, your insurance is good for 10 years.  That’s like 70 in dog years!  How can you put a price on peace of mind like this?!

I would have thought that leaving your pet in the care of an atheist might be a deterrent.  I mean, they look so normal on the outside.  But people are buying this stuff.  Apparently, these atheists:

fully endorse the “Rule of Reciprocity”, also known as “The Golden Rule.” We just happen not to believe in God(s). …

Well, isn’t that special?

So when the Rapture occurs, and the world descends into chaos, and you suddenly realize that you were wrong, you still plan on welcoming 70 cats into your house to feed and care for until the Tribulation is over?  Seriously?  On the other hand, there are people that have too many cats now.

I really want to know how a guarantee works after I’m gone or the world ends?  I guess you just have to trust the atheists.

Read Full Post »