Posts Tagged ‘burger’

My track record with dining out at restaurants is not impressive.

I once tried to order a 99 cent Whopper at Wendy’s.  I had it in my mind–I saw the advertisement for 99 cent whoppers and had to have one–but apparently Wendy’s won’t let me have it my way.  I paid more than 99 cents for a burger that was NOT a whopper.

I ordered coconut shrimp and lobster at Outback–and ended up with an empty lobster tail.

I once paid $48 for a coke.  The drink–not the drug.

And there was a “fine dining” experience (you know, you go to a place where you can’t wear blue jeans and they require a tie) that involved bok choy, enoki mushrooms and consommé.  I still think they were making that shiitake up.

Today we were meeting my daughter at TGI Friday’s even though it is Sunday.  I’m sorry.  It throws me off balance as well.  It’s like going into Five Guys, and there are aren’t Five Guys behind the counter.  (I’m pretty sure one of them was a woman!)  But I digress.

She had given me a list of restaurant choices that she would be happy with and asked me to pick one.  I specifically picked Friday’s because they serve Kona Big Wave Golden Ale.

So when the waiter took our drink order, guess what I ordered?  Well he brought the other drinks out and said he had to get my Heaven in a glass from the bar.  Minutes later, he appears without my Golden Ale.  They are out of it.

I should have got up and left right then and there.  But I had already looked at the menu and saw a new Philly Steak Burger.  It comes with an egg roll on top!  I kid you not!  Someone asked themselves how you could make a burger even more unhealthy than it already is, and somebody came up with the idea of tacking on extra stuff outside the bun.  Brilliant!


I want that!  So I ordered it.

THIS . . . is what I got.


Do you see an egg roll stapled to my bun?  Dude?  Where’s my egg roll?  Is this going to be like Outback all over again when the waiter argues that I already ate the lobster even though the tail shell was clearly empty!

He informs me they don’t have the egg rolls in stock.

I am so bummed I ended up drowning my sorrows in a half piece of Tennessee Whiskey Cake, because quite frankly, paying $8 for the full piece just seems like highway robbery.

After I got home, I was still stewing over not getting my Kona beer and then not getting the sandwich that was advertised.  It was then that I wondered if perhaps I paid for the sandwich with an egg roll but did not get the egg roll?  I also thought it might have been nice if the manager would have comped my dessert in lieu of payment for an egg roll that didn’t exist.

That’s when I discovered that CORY–our waiter, bless his little heart–had actually comped me my burger without telling me.  For the record, I did tip him well–I rounded up the 20% recommendation to make the number come out round, but that was based on the adjusted bill.  After all, it wasn’t his fault the bar was out of my beer and someone in purchasing forgot to order the egg rolls.

And now I feel worse.

I should have gone to Denny’s.

Oh wait,  That didn’t work out well for me either . . .


That’s my coffee . . .but that’s NOT my lipstick!

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As you may know, Five Guys is a fast food franchise that features a red and white checkered logo, free peanuts to shell, fresh-cut fries from some town in Idaho, and perhaps the best burgers on the planet.  Someone even wrote an Ode to Five Guys.

cheeseburger of Paradise

But our local establishment confuses me.

I have eaten there twice, and I can almost say with utmost certainty, that not all the guys working there were . . . . um, guys.

It was actually more like two guys and three girls, although tonight, I really couldn’t make a final call on one of them.   Girl.  Ugly girl.  Needs to shave her face.  No. Wait!  Guy.  Yes.  Absolutely.  Three guys and only two girls tonight.  Maybe.

I mean, if you go into Victoria’s Secret, you expect to deal with Victoria.  Not Victor.

I go to Five Guys, and I expect there to be five guys working there.  WHY ELSE DO YOU CALL IT THAT?

Would you go to Saks Fifth Avenue if it were on Fourth Street?

Granted, I don’t see Wendy at Wendy’s.  But I can’t really expect her to be at every store.  Ditto with Ronald McDonald.  Actually, he would kind of creep me out if I had to eat in front of him anyway.  Thank you Stephen King for my clown nightmares.

But this isn’t a specifically named establishment like Roy Rogers or Long John Silvers.  It’s Five Guys.  Count them.  One.  Two.  Three.  Four.  Five.  (Lightning strikes, Ah, Ah, Ah!) Guys.  Not Gals.  Besides, that wouldn’t rhyme with fries as in Five Guys Burgers and Fries.  I guess you could have Five Girls Burgers and Swirls, and offer cinnabun swirls instead of Idaho potatoes, but even I know that would be a bad idea.  Have you ever dipped a swirl into ketchup?  It’s not pretty and it tastes like it looks.

I’m not being sexist.  I’m just confused.

If you must hire ladies to man the grill, than let’s just call the place Gals and Guys Burgers and Fries, and be done with it.  And you could hire extra help if you need them and not be limited to five!

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