Sponge Boobs

A new study shows that 4-year-olds who watch just nine minutes of Sponge Bob Square Pants can have problems with short-term attention and learning difficulties.  Apparently, the sponge-like material just sucks the learning right out of them.

The study compared kids who watched nine minutes of Sponge Bob with kids who either drew pictures for nine minutes or watched a “slower-paced” show called Caillou.  I have never heard of this latter show.  Maybe it’s because I watch too much Sponge Bob.  They had a Sponge Bob marathon a few months ago.  I think my IQ dropped 20 points.  But I have no problems with short-

What was I typing about?

I like Sponge Bob.  He’s a little weird and his laugh is annoying, but by golly, nautical nonsense is something I wish.

If parents want their children to learn something, perhaps they should park them in front of Sesame Street.

Or play Mozart for them, because playing Mozart makes babies smarter.  I’ve heard they don’t even need to be awake.

Kids’ cartoon shows typically feature about 22 minutes of action, so watching  a full program “could be more detrimental,” the researchers speculated, But they  said more evidence is needed to confirm that.

The results should be interpreted cautiously because of the study’s small  size, but the data seem robust and bolster the idea that media exposure is a  public health issue, said Dr. Dimitri Christakis. He is a child development  specialist at Seattle Children’s Hospital who wrote an editorial accompanying  the study published online Monday in the journal Pediatrics.

Christakis said parents need to realize that fast-paced programming may not  be appropriate for very young children. “What kids watch matters, it’s not just  how much they watch,” he said.

I wonder how much money was spent to come up with that conclusion?! I could have told you that, even after watching the show for six straight hours.

Nickelodeon spokesman David Bittler disputed the findings and said “SpongeBob  SquarePants” is aimed at kids aged 6-11, not 4-year-olds.

I guess it won’t hurt me to watch Sponge Bob since I’m past the target range.  It’s also not clear to me how a show in bikini bottom isn’t adult-oriented.  What does a six-year old know about bikini bottoms?  And what about Sandy Cheeks, the squirrel?  And Squidward Testicles Tentacles?

And why is there a pineapple under the sea?

I don’t know the answer to these questions.  I have watched too much Sponge Bob!

The next thing you know, I’ll drop on the floor and flop like a fish.

And then they’ll link seizure activity to watching Sponge Bob.